Sunday, Sunday

An amazing day in many ways. Saw a cabaret act that I haven't seen in 20 years, Maisy Trollet.

We/my partner and I had arranged for a number of friends to come to a Spanish Restaurant and enjoy a Sunday lunch, plenty of wine and Ms Trollet.

It was pretty amazing, not for the old jokes and dirty humour, but that Maisy, who seemed older than my mother even 20 years ago, when I used to frequent the Royal Vauxhall Tavern on a Sunday, doesn't seem to be any older.

The face, even with the make-up hasn't changed. Still as energetic and the voice still booms out numbers, and still makes people laugh until there are tears in their eyes.

What a way to spend a Summer Sunday.

Delusions?

I'm always trying to sort out my thoughts from one day to the next.

I don't think for one day I've ever truly known if I was going to be good, bad or wonderful, but one thing that was drummed into me from a very early age was a strong work ethic.

After talking to my sister a couple of months ago, probably too good a work ethic, our family tends to be good managing large groups of people. My mother because she loved being centre of attention. My sister because she liked things done right and had inherited my mothers love of people (although think tempered with a much more logical brain) and then there was me.

I think I am truly my mother's son, in that I do love people. I like working with them, managing large groups but, and this is the big but, I love the individual too. I'm a firm believer that one person can change the world.

And I realise that most people don't want to do that, but by the same token, they should at least be aware that they can, if they wanted to.

I watch and listen to people, whether they are friends, neighbours, acquaintances or work colleagues and the common thread is that most people don't believe.

Does that make me an optimist or a dreamer?

Only time will tell I suppose but I do hope that I'm a realist too, that somehow positive thinking and believing in the power of the single "I" is and can be of benefit to everyone.

Middle Child

From my point of view, especially one who works with teams of people at work, volunteers with groups of the people and who, on the whole anyway, socialises with groups of people, being a middle child is an advantage.


You have the middle child instinct of positivity and natural need to placate and find the middle ground. How apt.


Now, after over seven months of being a so called qualified "coach", what have I achieved?


I've managed (no pun intended) to act as moderator and mediator to a number of groups, including at work. Individuals who would otherwise think "its my fault" as the natural order. Sometimes, it really isn't about you.


So far this year a lot of guilt, blame and self mental mutilation has been going on in many different strands of life. Whether you're a banker in the City or someone who has recently been made redundant, sometimes, it really isn't your fault.


Today, I had a good day. A friend from the past contacted me (and yes I have been given permission to talk about it in this blog) who had been one of the latter.


"Why me?" She asked.


And, after checking she was actually wanting my opinion and help (we haven't talked properly for years) I used the coaching skills and all patience I had (which today was no mean feat) and asked her why she thought it was?


"I don't know, it just somehow feels my fault"


Were you under performing and realising it? "No," came the curt and very brief answer.


And as we did talk about it, and after all those open questions, it became clear that all she really wanted to do as grieve for a job she had loved doing and actually the only real guilt that was there was that for almost three years, she had been paid to do a job she would have easily done for half her salary.


The lesson I have learnt for today is "Don't mix up "guilt" for "grief". And to all those high achievers, that goes the same for you too!