Middle Child

From my point of view, especially one who works with teams of people at work, volunteers with groups of the people and who, on the whole anyway, socialises with groups of people, being a middle child is an advantage.


You have the middle child instinct of positivity and natural need to placate and find the middle ground. How apt.


Now, after over seven months of being a so called qualified "coach", what have I achieved?


I've managed (no pun intended) to act as moderator and mediator to a number of groups, including at work. Individuals who would otherwise think "its my fault" as the natural order. Sometimes, it really isn't about you.


So far this year a lot of guilt, blame and self mental mutilation has been going on in many different strands of life. Whether you're a banker in the City or someone who has recently been made redundant, sometimes, it really isn't your fault.


Today, I had a good day. A friend from the past contacted me (and yes I have been given permission to talk about it in this blog) who had been one of the latter.


"Why me?" She asked.


And, after checking she was actually wanting my opinion and help (we haven't talked properly for years) I used the coaching skills and all patience I had (which today was no mean feat) and asked her why she thought it was?


"I don't know, it just somehow feels my fault"


Were you under performing and realising it? "No," came the curt and very brief answer.


And as we did talk about it, and after all those open questions, it became clear that all she really wanted to do as grieve for a job she had loved doing and actually the only real guilt that was there was that for almost three years, she had been paid to do a job she would have easily done for half her salary.


The lesson I have learnt for today is "Don't mix up "guilt" for "grief". And to all those high achievers, that goes the same for you too!